Thursday, December 02, 2010

Guess what, fuckers? I'm back and I'm making a new post, cause I've got shit to say. You see the funny part is that I read over my past articles and I remember that guy fondly. The guy who played with Supertechs without knowing they'd be worth millions in the future and, well, dollar store guns. That's all we had. You kids don't understand how it was. When I was a kid, Nerf guns were new. Nobody really had toy guns that really shot stuff out of them. It was badass. I got a sharpshooter and it was the coolest god damn thing I had ever seen. My neighbor got a Bow and Arrow right as that shitty early 90's Robin Hood came out. Shooting those arrows and making them stick in the chain link fence made you feel like fucking Link. And not the link with a Wikipedia plot page longer than my dick. I'm talking about the, "You wake up in a field with no recollection" and use you're fucking imagination to figure out what the fuck is going on Link. I mean seriously, have one of you kids played the swing at air game? The game I know every kid my age played? Where a wiffle bat was Leonardo's sword or a toy gun was Road Block's machine gun? Then you can't understand what those original days of Nerf were like for us "old guys".

Not to belittle you. Today is fucking amazing. Call of Duty is the god damn coolest thing I've ever seen in my whole life. It's everything I dreamed of while I wasted away hours and hours of my life on Dark Forces. If my childhood self could have had a peak into what the future was going to hold for me, it would like be getting raped by my uncle. I wouldn't have been able to deal with it and had spent the rest of my life with conflicted sexual thoughts (not that this doesn't exist in me already). My horrific point is, you kids have it awesome. Not easy...cause this shit ain't easy, but awesome. So make your Youtube videos and call each other fags, cause that's what you're supposed to do (even though it will totally get you banned). But when it comes to Nerf, shit is changing, boy.

Modified Nerf was down right rudimentary compared to this shit. I remember looking at a 1500 with a PVC coupler on the end of it and thought it was fucking genius. I saw the Stefan and serious felt like a fucking moron for not thinking it up. That simple, basic shit today that is almost downright taken for granted was pure magic when I started in 2003. Now we've got homemades made out of machine polycarbonite that can fire faster and more accurately then anything I could have ever imagined. I am living in my childhood sci-fi world. And it's fucking amazing. It all changed for me when I saw the hopper. I realized that this was something I had never imagined. I saw it the first time and didn't believe it would work. It was pure magic to me and to a point, still is. And there's not much in my world anymore that's magic. I'm a very analytical person and I believe in trying to understand and grasp the things that I use. But that fucking hopper is magic.

So lets rewind the clock a little bit. I had a long lapse from Nerf and came back to a very different world with a very different mindset. Nerf was once a serious escape for me. My Father died shortly after I joined Nerf Haven. Suddenly I found myself around like minded people. People who loved something silly as dearly as I did. That was easy to escape into, but ultimately didn't bring much meaning. I faded out after a while and focused on real life, getting my priorities in order. Once I had felt myself more stabilized, I found that I still missed all the people and experiences I had in this hobby. I got involved again and as much as I bitch and moan about all the horse shit I have to deal with every now and again, it has truly been rewarding. I have had some of the best experiences and made some of my best friends through this hobby. And as much as I act like a cock sucker, understand I'm just trying to preserve something.

Nerf Haven came from a desire to escape the idiocy of Nerf Online. This is not something I experienced. When I joined, Nerf Haven was already in full swing and Nerf Online was almost completely down. I walked into a utopia of intellectual and serious talk about Nerf guns. Which sounds ridiculous now, but at the time was very much the headspace in which I existed. I was lucky. I had found a large group of like mind individuals, although very separate in terms of maturity. At the same time I joined NHQ, which I felt was vastly inferior, but I wanted so desperately to take part in the conversation that even I endured that awful place. Without much thought I accepted a moderation role under the Nerf Wars section I think. I'm almost positive it was that, but honestly, I can't really remember. After doing a good job there and being influential among the staff I became an Admin. Which was even harder.

The staff at the time was very active and did not see eye to eye. I looked to Nerf Haven for inspiration. I really liked what they had going over there. A no bullshit mentality coupled by a fuck off if you can't handle it attitude. Those are the environments I strive in. I wanted to bring some of that to NHQ. I wanted it to be the on the softer side, but I saw an opportunity for members to mature all the while doing something retarded like playing with Nerf guns in public. It's a stupid thing to attain to, but it's still what I believe although I'll never admit it again after this article. I just enjoyed the peace that seemed to exist at Nerf Haven. The peace that comes with a dictatorship that stays within it's boarders. It's all the fun of "join or die" without the murder and dipping guys into buckets of shit after whipping their legs (look it up kids, that shit happened in history). Needless to say this idea is pure bat shit insane and does not work. And the staff at NHQ made that very clear, so I toned it down a lot.

Meanwhile, I was at whits end. I couldn't take the constant pussy bullshit that I was putting up with. I banned a kid because he had harassed a female teenage member of the board on her cell phone. I have no idea how it happened anymore, but we had one girl who posted regularly on the boards. Some dick head got her number somehow and began calling her a bunch. I banned the kid and did my best to collect what information I could to help her and her parents make it stop. It turned out to be a controversial decision and not to sling mud, but it was a fucking nightmare. I didn't know what to do. So I PM'd CXWQ, the founder and creator of Nerf Haven. I was already an active member on Nerf Haven because that's where all the wars and serious mods were posted. We started a dialogue about forum moderation that eventually lead to a job as administrator on Nerf Haven. I owe a lot of that to Vacc.

So what does this have to do with shit in a chinese embassy? Well frankly, I came to a very important realization today. Nerf is growing beyond any of our control. I did the math as to how many members we have waiting to join Nerf Haven and it far outweighs our current numbers. We literally have more people waiting to be validated than we have active members. Now remember a lot of these are spammers. A fucking lot. And a bunch of them are duplicate accounts. People who got banned and tried to rejoin. People who thought validation didn't go through (6 fucking times, you know how you are). And some people who joined but down right didn't actually give a fuck about being a member. So yeah, fuck those people. I don't have time to deal with those assholes and I don't have time to sift through spammers, idiots and all the scum that seem to scour the internet.

So I created a new policy. You send me an email with your human brain and a computer as a communication device why you want to join Nerf Haven. Therefore I can get a peak into your mind and your intentions to know that you truly wish to be part of an awesome community and are not in fact, and I'm using technical terms here, a fucking faggot retard. I know it's harsh and unkind, but if you've ever suffered the effects of a fucking faggot retard overpopulation, you'll understand what devistaiting effects it can have on one's psyche. So send me a god damn email and just be yourself. Cause if you are yourself I can sniff you assholes out.

Hugs and kisses forever,



Blogger flamincows said...

So you don't think that the hopper takes away from the game at all? I miss when a blaster either shot really far or really fast, but not both. Also, slingshot darts are cool and fun to use and the crossbow stock is plenty long enough.

10:39 AM  
Anonymous Utahnerf said...

Hot damn, this article rules. Talio, didn't you play paintball for a while? I'm glad you stayed with Nerf, because without you, the forums would be a living hell.

5:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was so happy to hear that you're returning to this blog. I've read through it before and wished we had some good commentary on nerfing at this time, and now we do. Although I have my disagreements with your style of doing things, I understand the methods of your madness and commend you for it.

Thank you for starting this blog back up again.

10:45 PM  
Blogger Luke Johnson said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

10:59 AM  
Blogger Luke Johnson said...

Hahaha, welcome back to the blogesphere! Coming from a fellow blogger, albeit one who adresses a different subject matter, I absolutely love how you write and your personality as a writer. This post made me chuckle more than once. Major props!

Oh and sorry about that giant comment deleted sign. I wanted to fix a spelling error and didn't realize it would do that, haha.

11:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Honestly, Talio, I hope you die in some gruesome way. You're a huge prick, and you are the premier reason I haven't bothered joining Nerfhaven. I still lurk around, but I see no reason to post. Especially when the possibility of offending some manchild's delicate sensibilities is so damned high.

seriously, knock you "waaaah I hate you all so much you make my site terrible" bullshit. It's getting ridiculous.

4:40 AM  
Anonymous Utahnerf said...

Fuck you Anonymous piece of shit. I hope YOU die in a gruesome way.

3:51 PM  
Blogger Goofy Man said...

Hey Talio, this is the only way i could find to get a response since NerfHaven is not really responding quick enough, and ive been dying to post somethin or to atleast reply to sumthin, but i keep gettin errors nd stuff and im wandering, what on earth has been wrong with NerfHaven for so long??? is it ever gonna get fixed?

8:53 PM  
Anonymous KeiichiRX7 said...

While I appreciate what the admin team tries to do, there is FAR too much nerd rage involved.

This is a forum dedicated to a hobby centered around TOYS for fuck sake. When did it become that there is only ONE way to nerf? Hell, I signed up because I thought it might be fun to participate in a forum on the subject, but it's really not a forum at all. In forums you can have opposed oppinions and discuss the merits of them. At NerfHaven you cannot.

Does your group not nerf in open fields at parks or school yards? Too bad, you aren't welcome.
Flashlight strapped to your blaster because your group plays in the dark?
Too bad, you aren't welcome.
Hold an oppinion contrary to any of teh admin staff?
Too bad, you aren't welcome.

And strangely, simultaneously, the staff holds that organizers set rules at thier own events. This is antithetical to the demonstrated attitude of the staff, who ought to be chomping at the bit to step in and run things thier own way as part of a league if they are that anal.

Heaven forbid anyone have any fun participating in the forum. While poorly stated, Anonymous is right about the manchild.

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